The One About My October Stability Theme ::: Health

I’m focusing the 2nd month of my SP on a leeeeeetle thing like personal health & well being.

I decided to make this a top priority in my SP for a few reasons.  Because I started a new position in July, I’ve had more feelings of overwhelm in the midst of transition.  I’d had 3 months of not working, sleeping in and napping at my leisure.  (It was a hard life).  Additionally, learning A LOT of new things makes me tired and then more overwhelmed.  As a result, I’ve been more tired, more overwhelmed leading to more coping and less of anything healthy.  The 5-7 pounds I’ve gained since I started is just small proof of the underlying problem: being dangerously tired.  Being dangerously tired is being too tired to do things that actually provide rest.

And of course, choosing to be healthy now, today, in this present moment, etc. is of course a foundational piece of procuring stability for oneself is it not?  Not to mention that pursuing physical health is never a regret and often leads to a better quality of life in every aspect.

OCTOBER RESOLUTIONS

1.  Working out – 3 x’s a week.  4 x’s if I’m feeling extra motivated.
2.  Continuing on with my September resolution to go to bed earlier & wake up at the same time every day.
3.  Floss every day – I really should be doing this all ready. (womp womp womp)
4. Tracking my daily habits mostly focused on food – A great habit I learned from Weight Watchers.
5.  Juicing 3x’s a week
6.  Strive for 5 – Strive to eat 5 servings of fruit/veggies per day.  This is going to take some planning given that I’m at an office all day every day.

Books for the month:

Spiritual Secrets to Weight Loss, A 50 day Renewal of the Mind, Body & Spirit by Kara Davis, MD

How I Workout, Cook and Eat Healthy in Spite of Being Super Busy by Jennifer Bradbury.

The One About the Necessity of Sleep for Stability

If you live to 92 approximately 32 yrs. of that will be spent sleeping?  1/3!  1/3!  That’s an insane statistic.

I’ve been thinking a lot about sleep since one of my 1st resolutions was to go to bed by 10pm (then 10:30am) & to wake up at the same time everyday to help set my body clock.  Ever since I started a new position in July, I’ve been more tired than ever, had a harder time putting myself to sleep, had a harder time waking up, and practically falling asleep at my desk come 3:45pm and have been more addicted to stimulants like coffee & Diet Coke.

The following TEDx Talk convicted me AGAIN that I need to get my ‘ish in order, sleepwise.  I believe my lack of sleep -plus a good amount of insomnia complicating all this- has led to the crap-ton of mess in my house, which as you know can lead to anxiety.  For all these reasons, I’ll be pursuing healthy sleep habits for the duration of my SP!

Watch this great TEDx talk OR -like me- you can listen to it on your smart phone via the InstaCast app which makes downloading & listening to podcasts a no-fuss, no-cord snap!  I listened to this talk on one commute into work. Dude is hilarious.

So.  How many hours do you sleep each night?  Do you feel like you get enough?  What things do you do to help yourself get to sleep?  Or wake up each morning?  What’s the biggest hindrance to your sleep?

To Stability & Beyond!

:::: Grace

The One About Flexing my Flexibility Muscle

Hello Stabilizers,

I hope it’s okay that I refer to you that way.  I thrive on cutesy nick-names so I’m going to go ahead & DECLARE you MY stabilizers because like Bobby Brown once said, “It’s my Perogative.”

My first stability month: starting with a few small, foundational goals while planning the rest of my SP. Beginning with the seemingly simple goal of waking up and going to bed at the same time every day.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD, PEOPLE?!

Ever since I started work full-time again, our house has gotten to near disaster-level messiness.  With no place to walk in the entry room, the living room, the dining room, the bathroom, our bedroom, the boys’ bedrooms & dishes-for-days all over counter tops it has – IS- effecting me.  The hubz & I have felt so overwhelmed, so shut down by the mess we’ve been paralyzed.  Instead of doing 10-20 minutes of cleaning a day I’ve traded that time in for what ends up being 2-3 hrs. of computer time each night, making it harder to wake after a short night of sleep.

I’ve struggled with insomnia brought on by anxiety about adjusting well in my new position, hubz’ snoring, or my one of my lovely children needing something SUPER IMPORTANT in the middle of the night like a tiny sip of water.  Each time it takes me 2-4 hrs. to fall back asleep my night is SHOT and the next day a yawn-fest extraordinaire satisfied only with copious amounts of coffee &/or large fountain drinks.

I’ve failed to make work outs an ongoing priority since the transition from working-from-home to working-out-of-the-home 40 hrs./wk which also effects my energy, and sleep.  When working out, I sleep better in general, I have less neck pain which sometimes wakes me up and I have increased daytime energy.

Yesterday, I decided to flex my flexibility muscles for a little stabilization boost amidst my sleep related disasters. 

Taking advantage of my sons’ unexpected 4 hr. mid-day nap, I washed, dryed AND put away ALL of my clothes.  All in all, it took 10 hrs!  This was one of my HUGE projects to be tackled later in my SP year but after consideration, why wait?

Every morning the search for a clean ________ (anything at all) significantly shot up my stress levels amidst the normal stress of having two young kiddos needing assistance in every aspect of their morning routine including pouring a glass of milk to brushing their teeth.  When you throw in our messy house or trying to find clean soccer socks all the while dodging LEGO’s, mornings are a total nightmare.  (Probably especially when you are not up in time to stay on top of it, eh?)

For my flexibility, I rewarded myself in two ways:

1. I listened to The Help instead of a learny-learn book.  I absolutely LOVE self-help-y, learny-learn books but then forget how relaxing it is to listen to straight up fiction.  The ease of getting lost in a good story makes it easier to get lost in my laundry.

2.  I allowed myself enough time to work on this post before bed.

As it turned out, seeing my clothes all picked up and put away was the reward itself.  I was so motivated I also got my sons clothes all clean and put away, I sorted out the summer clothes since it’s all ready down to the 60’s here in the frozen tundra of the Midwest States and I cleaned the entire kitchen.

Having a stable, (mostly) clean house is one of the biggest aspects I hope to establish in my SP!  While this isn’t exactly the stability progress I’d hoped to have reported today, it is stableness nonetheless.

I think I’ve discovered a new Secret of Adulthood: Flexibility for the win!

Have you ever used flexibility to get yourself out of an emotional pinch?  Are you starting &/or interested in doing your own Happiness/Stableness project?  Hop on over & join our Happiness/Stableness Project’ers Facebook group for a little support & accountability!

Proof for our little group of 16 is helpful:

To Stability & Beyond!

:::: Grace

Image Credit

The One About Taking Advantage of The Hawthorne Effect

I’m not gonna lie, y’all.  By exploring my SP on this blog, on Twitter at #TheStablenessProject & from my Facebook page, I’m taking advantage of The Hawthorne Effect.

The Hawthorne effect (commonly referred to as the observer effect) is a form of reactivity whereby subjects improve or modify an aspect of their behavior, which is being experimentally measured, in response to the fact that they know that they are being studied,^[1][2] not in response to any particular experimental manipulation. -Wikipedia

Man, it was encouraging to read Gretchen admit to “needing gold stars” for a job well done.  In fact, this theme weaves in and out of both her Happiness books.

“Wow,” I thought.  “Do you mean to tell me it’s okay to admit that out loud?”

I need gold stars too.  There I said it.  Rather, I want gold stars.  Even if they are from me.  I’ve found a way to reward myself for things I do when no one is looking.  For example, didn’t tell a lie I wanted to gets an inward “good job, Grace.  Way to keep it real, yo!”

My SP is a big, gigantic 13-month adventure to make my life exponentially more stable for the rest of my life.  I not only want gold stars, I want every form encouragement, cookies, hugs and ‘rah-rah’s possible.  Want to send me a vacation? YOU GOT IT. Want to take me out for drinks to encourage me?  ABSOLUTELY.

Besides the encouragement and accountability I hope to receive, I’m hoping to be equally generous in offering encouragement, accountability, online cookies, hugs, ‘rah-rah’s’ & gold stars to any of you doing your own project.

Let’s ALL take advantage of The Hawthorne Effect.

Do you typically reward yourself for a job well done?  How so?  Do you tend to do better when others are watching?

To stability & beyond,

::: Grace

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The One about How Important it is to Track

There’s probably a million studies about tracking actions to get results good enough to make you smize!  I noticed this in my Weight Watcher’s journey.  The weeks I tracked every morsel of food were the ones I made better choices.  I took pride when I saw my charts boast of my correct amount of fresh fruits & I corrected when I noticed -much later-how often I overindulged in copious Oreo’s.

That’s why it’s somewhat frustrating after all I’ve done to get my SP started -creating a new blog, a new header, a new FB group, several new pages, re-reading the books & moderate planning- I’ve yet to make a September resolution chart.  DOH!  I should know better.  Yet, this is a guilt free zone.  My SP will not work if I allow guilt to train wreck it.

Gretchen uses fancy-schmancy charts, but I’m sticking with handwritten charts.  I’m not the one to find myself in Excel unless someone is paying me to be there.

By the by, I’m having a TOUGH time with my 3rd resolution: going to be by 10pm, asleep by 10:30pm.  The last three nights I’ve wrestled with my desire for down time, writing in general, tending to my personal email and tonight I was jonesing for a Breaking Bad episode.  Right now, it’s 10:51pm so yet again, I’m not following through on 1 of only 4 resolutions for this month.

This is good, y’all.  Forcing myself -or at least trying to- follow resolutions will help these deeper issues rise to the surface where they can be addressed.  What, for example, is keeping me from the stability I seek? I know I need more sleep yet I’m fighting it like my 3 yr. old grits his teeth and drags himself to bed.  There’s something for me to learn here.

On the flip side, I have been following my 1st & 2nd resolution to wake up at the same time every day & spend it with the Lord.  It is literally what gets me out of bed.  For the last 6 weeks, I’d been trying to get up earlier by motivating myself with writing time.  It wasn’t enough.  ‘Screw writing,’ I’d think.  Roll over. Drool.  But remembering the sweetness of the Lord’s presence has been enough.  For now.  We’ll see.

Tomorrow, I’ll create my Sept. SP chart.  I’ll  mark those GOLD STARS for a resolution kept alongside those X’s for a broken resolution.  And I’ll remember how important it is to track daily.

As the wise say, the most important things we do with our life are usually not the big choices but the little ones we choose to do every day which have the greatest impact.

To stability & beyond!

:::: Grace

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The One About My September Resources and Readings

A key part of Gretchen’s Happiness Project was gaining knowledge through authors who wrote on happiness.  So.  I, too will be taking advantage of an intentional approach to the books I read for the next year of my SP.

I’ve come to really appreciate the role of books in my life for the past 19 yrs.  Which is to say, I didn’t appreciate books until I was nearly an adult and therefore wasted all those precious responsibility-free teen yrs. re-watching Pretty Woman and clubbing.  I digress.

Not only do I delight in being transported to new worlds -ala Harry Potter– but I have this thing for non-fiction, self-helpy, leadershipy type of books -ala The Outliers. If it’s a book telling me how to live more thoughtfully or do something better (pray, clean, lead, market, etc.) I’m probably going to like it.  After that, I can read -no DEVOUR- memoirs of any sort.  (In fact, I’m writing my own!  More on that later).

It only perfect sense for me to bring my huge values for reading, for self-knowledge, for information seeking into my SP.

I created a RESOURCE page to keep an ongoing, updated list of the books involved in and informing my SP.

What I’m Reading in my Planning Month

1. The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun – It’s been at least 9 months since I read the whole thing.  Truthfully, I listened via Audible.  Twice.  Now, I’m quickly reviewing my Audible copy for pertinent details to help me flesh out the next 12 months.  I may splurge the $1.07 for a used Amazon copy.  May I suggest you do to?

2. Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity – Confession: This isn’t exactly part of my SP.  I’ve been reading my hard copy AND listening to it via my Audible copy in the last 3 weeks in order to get David Allen’s system hard-wired into my brain.  Mastering the “GTD” system is one of the key resolutions in my SP but I could not wait two months to start because I’ve recently started a new job that I wanted to start fresh with GTD.  Call it pre-SP planning if you will.

3. The Attentive Life: Discerning God’s Presence in All Things – I knew I wanted to start my SP with matters of faith since my faith is the most important thing in my life.  I’ve heard wonderful reviews of this book and the first 18 pages have been beautiful, thought-provoking and challenging.  One of my September resolutions was to have time with the Lord each morning even if it’s brief.  I’m hoping this book will challenge me to consider how to incorporate God’s presence throughout each day.

I will Audible as many of the books as I can.  I listen to books on my morning/evening commute, while I clean, cook and do laundry.  Sometimes, I listen to books or podcasts in the morning while I’m doing makeup and hair until the kids come in with their blatant disregard for appropriate levels of speaking.  Often, after a good Audible week, I’ve realized I’ve listened to over 20 hours of books & podcasts.  If you want to know how I read so much.  Audible.  Seriously.  It’s worth the monthly $14.

I also take advantage of the library since we bring our boys every 3 weeks.  Why pay for a book you can borrow for free?

If it’s a book I MUST have, I order it used and cheap-as-possible on Amazon.

September Resolutions

1. Get up each morning at 6:30am, including weekends to reset my body clock & hopefully help with my insomnia.

2. Go to bed by 10pm, hopefully be asleep by 10:30pm after a lil’ light reading of course. =)

3. Spend time in prayer & Bible study each morning, even if it’s only 5 minutes.  I do this not of out of duty or legalism.  I truly enjoy my morning’s with the Lord and they’ve been a -wonderful- staple in my life for over 18 years now.

4. Plan the rest of my SP!

5.  Read/listen to my September SP books.

So, folks what are you reading?  Do any of you Audible?  What role have books played in your life?

To stability & beyond!

:::: Grace

Image Credit

The One about my Personal Commandments

Reading The Happiness Project & Happier at Home earlier this year felt like a tall glass of water on dry day in Texas heat after a run wearing a snowsuit.

God has used these non-conventional books to inspire something deep within me that I’ve pushed away for too long.

My first task: create a list of Personal Commandments.

As Gretchen puts it, personal commandments are “a creative way to distill core values,” and something you should look at every day to remind you of how to have your best life.  It took me a few weeks to figure this out, narrow the list & make the graphic but it was well worth it.

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1.  Be Grace – A daily reminder to be myself.  It’s okay to like fashion or the kinds of books I like.  In all circumstances, it’s okay to be myself without the constant nag that I should be thinking/feeling/blogging/writing the way someone else does.  Just be Grace.

2. Get outside – I almost never want to (except when by a pool while 80 degrees) but it’s almost always good for me.  No, scratch that.  All right, all ready, it’s ALWAYS good for me to go outside.  Yes, even in the winter. Grrrrrrrrr…

3. Marriage & Kids over Ambition – I’m a creative type, a workaholic & someone who goes for broke.  I lose sight.

4.  Choose the Bigger Life – This is one of Gretchen’s that practically jumped off the page at me.  And then I thought about it for 3 days.  And then I started saying it to myself when I was faced with day-to-day, minute-to-minute decisions.  I simply love this.  Because sometimes the bigger life is getting down on the floor to play Lego’s when you’d rather just get that laundry folded.  And sometimes, people choose -in the moment- to risk their own life to save another.  They chose the bigger life.  I want to live and practice that.

5.  In ALL Circumstances, Gratitude – This one comes straight from the Bible.  And all manner of cheesy Christian worship songs.  Though I often need reminding, it is true. I believe in the gratitude we find redemption.

6.  Nisi Dominus Frustra – Latin for “without the LORD frustration.”  I have this truth tatoo’ed on the back of my neck.  Back in 2008, I was all riled up on dreams, a work promotion and the progress of my book but I wanted to remember that it was all about God, not me, me, me.  Coincidentally, a few years later I saw the same phrase on the seal of the denomination where the hubs & I go to Church.  And oh yes, it’s true.  When I do things my ghetto, gangsta’, ill-advised way – FRUSTRATION.

7.  Seek Inspiration Daily – I tag 90% of my instagram pics #StayInspired.  Seeking out inspiration is seriously, the equivalent of five cups of strong coffee.  But it takes work.  I need to remember how inspiration feeds my weary bones and propels me to selfless giving, caring & creating.

8. Books before Screens – (Unfortunately, this phrase reminds me of “bro’s before hoes.”  I digress)  I LOVE watching T.V. especially Netflix where I can -if possible- gorge myself in a gluttunous feeding frenzy on back-to-back episodes of whatever tickles my fancy.  Problem is, I’m more content when I read.  Reading takes more mental work, but is ultimately, far better for me.  And I never regret reading.

9. Keep the Sabbath – The day is negotiable.  Sunday works the best for me.  Put down the work, be with the kids, read instead, do crafts with the kids.  Don’t clean, try not to cook an elaborate meal.  God says Sabbath was made for us.  Not us for it.  When I started Sabbath-keeping about 8 years ago it changed my life.  I vowed I’d never not do Sabbath.  Yet, I’ve gotten away from my vow.  I’m going back.  Restful peace is mine to behold!

10.  Be Intentional – Intentionality breeds growth, bottom line.

11.  Declutter Often – C’mon have ever seen my house?

12. Be Kind.  Be Grace filled – The way I treat other people matters.  The way I treat myself matters.  If I try to live every day of my life being kind and grace filled to myself and others I cannot imagine how much fruit would come to bear in my life.  Also, the world is dying for this kind of faith.  Genuine kindness.  Genuine Grace.

13.  Love your Body.  Work it out – First and foremost, Grace: You will LOVE your body, just the way it is.  I will love my body.  I will speak highly of it.  I will not trash it.  One tangible way of loving my body both in word and deed is by working that ‘ish out.

14.  Don’t spend frivilously – I’m a typical over spender who needs constant reminders not to overspend or buy things we don’t need.

15.  Cultivate your Inner Circle – Without these people, where would I be?  Like a garden, good friendships need cultivating too.

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So.  What do you think of my personal commandments?  It should go without saying, I’m also trying to live by the Biblical 10 Commandments.  Obviously.  =) 

Are you interested in making your own daily & reviewable personal commandments?  If so, hop on over to Gretchen’s blog to learn how to make your own personal commandments.

When I frame them where do you think I should put them?  By my bed (out of sight), in the main bathroom, on my still-messy desk?

To stability & Beyond!

:::: Grace

The One About Not Being Ready To Start Exactly. But Doing it Anyway.

With my 7 yr. old starting his first day of 2nd grade tomorrow, so I start my Stableness Project.  I confess.  I wanted to start today planned.  I wanted to have a flashy site all rearin’ to go.  I wanted more pinnable images. More readiness! More spreadsheets!

I read something today. Start where you are.  Where ever you are is a perfect time to start.  Tomorrow morning is a perfect time to start.

It’s time.

I decided I’d spend the month of September doing a few things simultaneously.

1.  I’m laying the plans for a THIRTEEN month Stableness Project including a plan month.  Who says it has to be a mere 12 months?  There are no official rules after all.  That way, YOU can join me!

2.  I’m starting September with a few minor resolutions to get me started. More on these in a moment.

I want to start by explaining why I need a Stability Project as opposed to a Happiness Project.

While I was very inspired by Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project, page-after-painful-page was another reminder of not only how different we are, but how much our Project’s are starting in drastically different places.

Gretchen starts by explaining how she started her Project: a great marriage with a husband she adored, a successful transition from corporate law to a writing career, a profound sense of enjoyment and accomplishment in those things + living in her favorite city in the world mere blocks from both her parents & in-laws and healthy, happy & financially provided for.  She began her journey wanting to appreciate all that she had & to lighten up as an anal workaholic.  The gist.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt I’d need to re-frame even the language of the project before I could begin.  What the hell do I look like trying to pursue happiness while my life is unstable mess?  The last 4 years of have been a circus of gargantuan proportions including but not limited to a crumbling marriage, a 2nd child, postpartum depression, a mid-life crisis, an identity crisis, major debt, leaving a promising career, paying off said debt, trying to revive said marriage, losing a job, joblessness, barely scraping by financially not to mention living in a too-small, too cluttered, too-overwhelmed-to-clean-it house in a city I don’t necessarily want to live in.  Those are the low lights.  I’ll spare you the highlights, maybe we’ll get to that later.  Yet, I’ve had some incredible accomplishments in the midst of that as well.

In the last year, I’ve realized how much I’m longing NO begging for stability in my life.  I don’t need to be Martha Stewart but it would be nice not to have a perpetually messy, disgustingly smelly home.  I don’t need to be in a “happy marriage” but it would be nice to not to live in what feels like a never-ending marital nightmare.  I don’t need to be wealthy but I’d love to learn to care for our money in such a way that in 5, 10 yrs. -maybe sooner- I can feel proud and enjoy the fruits of our labor to steward it well.  I never want to win a Mother of The Year Award but I want to have a vision of the kind of Mother I hope my two precious boys will remember.  I don’t need to have Miranda Kerr’s body but I would find myself irresponsible if I didn’t learn to be healthy and disciplined in care of the body I do have.

You get the point.  Aspects of my life  ARE SCREAMING for my care.  I’ve been in heavy survival mode for so many years it’s stunted a correct perception of what I can and cannot control.

For instance, at the beginning of 2012 I decided to lose 50 pounds.  I’d spent most of 2011, on the road traveling for work slurping down large frozen carmel coffee followed by McDonalds-ish lunches & dinners.

Eventually, I forked out the monthly $18.95 for Weight Watchers, started a mix of running / Jillian Michael’s CD’s / Nike Training App / biking & dancing and slowly throughout the year took of 37.5 pounds.  I never did hit my goal of 50 but I realized I was strong and healthy and fabulous.

It hit me.  Here was something I could control.  Maybe there are more things?  Here was something I chose to do for myself that made life more stable and therefore more happy.  From there, I started doing other things to make my life more stable.  When I got a higher paying job I started paying down on our debt $1,000 at a time for a solid 11 months straight.  That felt amazing.  I started room-by-room getting rid of baby stuff and decluttering as best I could.  The freed up space felt incredible though if you walked into my house today you’d still be unsure.  We’ve been in our current home for 10 yrs. now.  Stuff went in but Stuff never came back out.  Ever. Until last year.

I hope and pray my Stableness Project will begin a year of me taking responsibility for my life in ways I haven’t been quite ready to before.  I can’t wait until my husband is completely ready or until I have “enough time”.  The time is now for me to start where I am.  I am here.  I am starting here.  A {mostly} heartbroken woman trying like hell to put my life back together in a way that will personally benefit myself, my children & others for many years to come.

So.  Tomorrow morning I’m starting with 4 basic resolutions for the month of September:

1. Get up every day at the same time, 6:30am, including weekends.  Check this out:

Why does it matter to wake up at the same time every day? Think of your wake time as the anchor to your day. Our bodies follow a circadian rhythm and this relies on consistency. There are many things that you do at about the same time every day, not the least of which is sleep. Anchoring your wake time in place is a cue (or zeitgeber) to your body about when you should be awake and when you should be asleep. Waking at the same time every day will actually help you to sleep better at night. This is especially important for people who have difficult falling or staying asleep, characteristic of insomnia. -Taken from this article.

2.  Try to be in bed by 10pm.

3. Have a time of prayer & Bible study a.k.a. “quiet time,” every morning.

4. Plan the rest of my Stableness Project!

I would love it if you joined me.  Hop on over to your local library to pick up your copy of The Happiness Project book, check out Gretchen’s blog or get started planning your own!

Like I said, it’s time.

Speaking of time.  It’s 11:30pm.  Oops.  Off I go.

To stability & beyond!

:::: Grace

The One About Bringing on the Stability, Baby Cakes!

I’m laying plans now.

My stability project begins in September 2013.  And, yes I was HUGELY influenced by Gretchen Rubin’s book,  The Happiness Project.

May the project, all my efforts & this site become a blessing of stability for years to come for my family & I, you & yours.

Later Gators.